Menopause and the Breath
“For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free” - Wendell Berry
I notice that when I forgot to breathe my level of anxiety and both the intensity and number of hot flushes increased considerably. I remember fondly my mindfulness teacher reminding me on many occasions to come back to my “beginners mind” which means to let go of preconceived ideas that stopped me from taking a breath (and she still does!). For me, my breath and beginners mind go hand in hand and I have realised that it is the smallest, and seemingly most insignificant of adjustments to my mindset, that make a noticeable difference to my well-being.
I believe I had always battled anxiety but the perimenopause and menopause are what have brought it to the forefront of my existence and made me meet it. Unwittingly, I fought this awareness for a large period of my early perimenopause, believing I was strong and could face this and indeed anything that came across my path.
“The intensity of a hot flush was so great and my anxiety levels were so high that I found it hard to leave the house in the morning.”
Rachel Podger
I told myself I was not worried or afraid of what was happening and furthermore became angry and defensive when someone asked me how I was. The intensity of a hot flush was so great and my anxiety levels were so high that I found it hard to leave the house in the morning.
In hindsight, I believe that because I would not face the fact of what was happening to my body, I was in fact making my anxiety worse and this in turn led to an increase in my hot flushes and overall loss of connection with and confidence in myself.
By facing up to my history of anxiety and the losses that I have experienced because of it (there is a perfectionist who loiters in the shadows of my being who occasionally likes to remind me of her existence) I am more able to show myself compassion and kindness, the antidote to anxiety, and rest in the awareness of grace and with this comes freedom.
My teacher consistently continues to show me loving kindness and with this a strength that encourages me to tend my ageing and changing body with the care, love and respect that it deserves. I have come to the conclusion that anxiety depletes my energy and denies me joy and my moment to moment experience of being a menopausal woman who has a great deal to be alive for.