The Importance of the Breath
“Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” - Mary Oliver
When I focus on my breath my life is enriched. I feel freer and at ease in my body. This blog is about my relationship between them.
The residue of a life fuelled by hypervigilance remains in the shadows of my existence but rather than haunt me, it now informs me of when I fall into old habits. I know this, because when I forget to breathe or take a thought-breath, I lose sight of the big picture and my life as a whole.
My habit is to focus on insufficiency rather than abundance, what I don’t have rather than what I do. It can range from something as simple as whether I have enough food in the fridge, to I wish I was a size smaller and could fit into those jeans. In the latter, I am literally unable to breathe and give myself indigestion if I do wear them, so to take a breath and be kind towards myself whilst in this experience is essential.
“When I come back to my breath, I can take in all of the joy and richness that is available for me and this allows me to move forward.”
Rachel Podger
On reflection I realise that in both instances, when I breathe, I allow my feelings to emerge. Fleetingly, I feel the sadness of my younger self rise to the surface and I pause to reconnect with her. I feel fuller now that I have acknowledged her and more capable of being with the mixed feelings I have of bodily changes. I have a choice either to breathe into these feelings or to cut them off. The former feels precarious at times and yet if I allow myself space to go down into the depths of the shadows and darkness through my breath, I can turn a light on and observe and become curious about that which I find overwhelmed by.
Life as a menopausal woman is different, the flow of life has altered and if I forget to be with the movement of it, I leave myself feeling burnt out by hypervigilance. When I come back to my breath, I can take in all of the joy and richness that is available for me and this allows me to move forward. It takes courage and a willingness to embrace life as it is rather than how I think it should be but I’m willing to take the risk and realise that old habits show me that within the shadow of darkness there is light and it is rather beautiful.